Recognizing the Small Victories in Therapy
"When one does have that moment where it all clicks it would be misleading not to partially attribute it to the unconscious accumulation of small victories."
Every individual’s therapeutic journey is distinct and unique. The duration of how long you are in therapy, the type and severity of the issues you’re facing, and the intention and goals all vary from person to person. However, one of the notions that transcends all the distinguishing variables is the shared experience of encountering the small victories in counselling.
Those unassuming triumphs are present in each and every session. They are subtle and often go unnoticed, but if one begins to recognize them and begin to use them as kindling for something larger, then the fire which burns for achieving your purpose for therapy rages in intensity.
What it’s not…
First of all, what isn’t a small victory in therapy?
There are times in therapy – often early on or when struggles persist – when we find ourselves yearning for that one big moment where it all comes together in a singular flash, where our struggles seemingly dissolve, and we are restored to a state of psychological equanimity.
When one goes out in the pursuit of a moment of “Divine Comprehension” they either consciously, or more often than not, unconsciously, become attached to the idea of needing to be cured by an external phenomenon. When we go outside ourselves to look for the answer, we forget that we actually have it within ourselves to revive our well-being.
Moreover, when one has a misguided desire for, let’s call it a “sudden therapeutic enlightenment”, one potentially creates negative patterns of thought. For instance, say someone is putting in all their effort in hopes of having a revelatory moment in therapy. After months and months on end of not feeling like they’ve attained it they become resentful of the process, and by in large resentful of themselves when that panacea moment doesn’t materialize.
This isn’t to denigrate the idea of those transcendent therapeutic moments, because they do occur and they do exist as a psychological fact; for some, the right question unlocks the insight that births a totally new outlook on one’s life and the struggles they have faced.
However, that moment can rob the unrealized efforts that one has already put forth. If one has been developing their inner relationship, and putting in the work via counselling and/or other self-care practices they open themselves up to the potential of having that numinous experience in therapy. And, when one does have that moment where it all clicks it would be misleading not to partially attribute it to the unconscious accumulation of small victories.
What it is:
The small victories manifest in varying ways from person to person. In other words, each minor triumph resonates uniquely with the individual. What may be a small victory for me may not be the same for you. However, they exist in each person’s therapeutic journey. We all strive in some sense for the same achievement, but the path in which we take differs significantly.
Nevertheless, the lesser wins do matter, and they become valuable once they are reflected on in a manner that assists in raising our self-esteem. The small victories often are the moments where we are presented with an opportunity to continue with our old pattern of action, but rather than following the status quo, we rise into a sense of courage and start anew.
Some minor victories in therapy are:
- Booking your 1st session/showing up to counselling when you really don’t feel up for it.
- Making that extra appointment or pushing an appointment closer than originally scheduled, when you realize you need to address the issue in the immediate.
- Being in a state of openness toward emotion and thought and not allowing defensiveness or avoidance to win out.
- Bringing up a topic that you need to address and embodying a sense of courage in doing so – this relates to the ideas, thoughts, or actions that you find disturbing about yourself (the part of you that you don’t really share with anyone else).
- Reflecting on the content that came up in the session afterwards and trying to gain a deeper understanding of the experience – what just happened in the room, what worked, and what is still making me think.
The recognition of the smaller victories is the quintessential element in having a successful experience, not only in therapy but in life as well. Bringing them into our awareness helps develop a sense of momentum and sense of achievement. These minor triumphs lead to greater ones. The ones where we feel like we’ve truly overcome an obstacle, and can put it behind us with the acceptance and grace needed to do so. The path is everlasting, so now why not revel in the smaller moments that keep us on it?